FORT DEFIANCE

>> 11/22/10

FORT DEFIANCE
365 Van Brunt Street
Brooklyn, NY 11231
(347) 453-6672


I promised Operagirl a birthday dinner and had grown bored of our repetitive hang-outings. No more could I bear meeting her for drinks near Lincoln Center, a neighborhood whose nightlife is akin to the the love-child of a retirement home and a brothel. No! I cried into the foggy gloom of night. No more could I stand being surrounded by the foppish dandies of 66th Street, forced to smile tepidly at their self-aggrandized tales of harmonial dismay. Thusly did I pick her up and drove we two over the River East and into Brooklyn Towne. Beyond the dark empty warehouses along the shore and amidst the dark stretches of unlit cobblestone streets lay our destination. Red Hook. And within Red Hook, Fort Defiance.



Red Hook, Brooklyn, is maybe unlike any other neighborhood in the city. Walled in by the river, a city housing project, the Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel and an Ikea, and with nary a subway to call its own, Red Hook (as we think of it anyway) is a strip only a few blocks wide that has quite suddenly become home to renovated warehouses, artists lofts, boutiques, restaurants and a Fairway... all somehow coexisting within a quasi-colonial architectural structure that at once feels apart from the city as well as being entirely ensconced within it. The area's failure in the arena of public transportation aside, Red Hook has started becoming a destination spot for food and, now, with the introduction of Fort Defiance, a restaurant-cum-cocktail bar, there should be no reason not to call your favorite car service and make a trip.




Fort Defiance is small, maybe thirty seats, with space for about six at the bar. When we got there this past Saturday at 9, they were almost full, but not full enough for us to have to wait for a table. The menu is small as well, with three entrees: beef, chicken and fish. The rest are appetizers or cocktails. If you've been to Pegu Club on Houston Street, then you'll understand the idea of Fort Defiance. If Pegu Club has a theme (and it does), then that theme is colonial Britain. If Defiance has a theme, it's colonial America. They work together while being completely separate. The cocktails really play more than window dressing, though. I ordered a Sazerac, Operagirl ordered a Margarita.

Anyone who eats out with me knows that I have a preference for small menus. Large menus remind me of diners and chain restaurants. Large menus are often the result of trying to please all of the people all of the time and just as often result in spreading talent too thin. Fort Defiance takes the opposite approach. Very few, very simple dishes. And the message here is, "Hey, we may not have as many options, but you know that these three are gonna be good". And they were.



We started with some appetizers. Operagirl ordered the Deviled Egg and Broccoli Rabe and Garlic. The deviled egg, a super simple appetizer made of a hard boiled egg and whipped cream smooth mustard filling, was fantastic. Broccoli Rabe is a more acquired taste. If you like bitter, dark green vegetables you'll like this. Imagine Broccoli crossed with tobacco and you'll have an idea of what Broccoli Rabe is. Now saute it with garlic and butter and you have a mighty fine, extremely healthy dish. My appetizer was the Grilled Baby Octopus served with a black olive butter and fennel sauce. I thought it was delicious. Tender, not rubbery, with just enough char to give it some smoke. Operagirl not only refused to try a bite, but refused to even be at the table with me while I ate it. Apparently, whole octopi on a plate make her queasy.



For dinner, Operagirl ordered the Braised Beef Brisket, served with a side of what looked (and tasted) like mashed potatoes but what was actually pureed celery root and a side of Brussels sprouts and apples. The meat was incredible. There was a little more fat than I would have liked but that aside, it was absolutely melt in your mouth perfect. The celery root was a good companion, but the Brussels sprouts and apples weren't. They weren't bad-tasting, but this seemed like the wrong dish to give such a sweet side to. However, for the record, Operagirl literally wiped her plate completely clean. My guess is that the only thing that kept her from licking it was that we were in public. My entree was the Roast Plymouth Rock Chicken with mashed sweet potatoes and sauteed spinach. As good as the brisket was, this was better. I'm a sucker for roast chicken, especially when you can get it this moist and fatless. In fact, this is one of the few times I can say that you can eat the skin and not feel unhealthy. Fort Defiance managed to cook the chicken in such a way that the layer of fat, so often fused with the skin, was completely gone. In no time, there was little left on my plate but a few bones. The meal was somewhat heavy so we skipped dessert.

Three appetizers, two entrees and four drinks came to $113 including tax and tip.




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THIS LITTLE PIGGY HAD ROAST BEEF

>> 11/2/10

149 First Avenue
New York, NY 10003
(212) 253-1500


There can hardly be a restaurant in, forget New York City, ANY city, with a menu smaller than This Little Piggy Had Roast Beef's. There are four (4) sandwiches. That's it. I tried three of them.



This Little Piggy also couldn't be smaller without being a food truck. There's about two yards of counter space for everyone to lean on should they choose to eat in rather than take out. I've found myself leaning on that windowsill many a time this past week.



The first up was This Little Piggy's answer to the Philly cheese-steak.

Here's the thing about a Philly cheese-steak, something many people don't know. It was created by design to give heart attacks to the people that eat it. The best cheese steak sandwiches don't use real meat, they use that Steak-ums frozen-meat-puree junk which I'm virtually certain is 92% fat. Then, in that fat, they fry onions and peppers until every vitamin and nutrient has been cooked straight out of them. Finally, these fillings get tossed into a roll and topped with a thick helping of Cheese-Whiz, a product that is, miraculously, even less like actual cheese than a Kraft Single. Naturally, it tastes amazing. How could it not? (please no comments or emails about where I could go to get the best "real" cheese steak sandwich. I could really care less.)

And that's why I think that This Little Piggy's version, the This Way Sandwich ($5.50), falls flat. It uses Angus beef and au jus and I didn't feel that the dichotomy of high quality meat with Cheese Whiz and a cheapo roll worked. Sure, it was messy, got all over my face and needed most of a paper towel to clean up. But where was the grease? This type of sandwich needs, nay, cries out for grease. The au jus/whiz combo tasted funny and frankly, the beef was a tad dry. Fat = flavor. So when the fat gets lost in the creation of a quasi-healthy alternative, what gets left behind is a somewhat boring sandwich with fake cheese on top of it.

Maybe I'd have better luck with the That Way Sandwich ($5.50). This sandwich is again Angus roast beef, but with mozzarella, and gravy. It wasn't bad, and it was certainly better than the This Way was, but it lacked a little something. It just didn't hold my interest. Alongside the sandwich I ordered the Hand Cut Fries ($4). These french fries are the largest, thickest fries you'll ever find. They basically quartered a potato, skin on. Very good; hugely filling. One serving demands being shared.

Finally, I tried This Little Piggy's Something Else Sandwich ($12.50). It is, to boil it down, everything I just ate, all at one time. Roast beef, au jus, cheese whiz, mozzarella, gravy AND the fries all on a hero roll. The Something Else embodies the concept of "if a little is good, and some more is better, then a lot must be great!" Yes, this was the best of the bunch. Yes, it shaved off four months of my life. Yes, it took two sittings to eat (seriously, I had the other half of it for dinner twenty minutes ago). No, I can't honestly say I'd ever get it again.



The biggest problem with This Little Piggy is that it felt wholly uninspired. Like they got some good ideas from someone and tried to copy them with no real personality. Like when the Chinese copy a Western car and pass it off as their own. Anyway, clearly the people around the East Village like the place more than I did, given the numbers of people coming and going, and that's fine. But personally, I walked away, more than once, feeling... absolutely nothing (except a very full belly).


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