BEER TABLE

BEER TABLE
427B Seventh Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11215
(718) 965-1196

Last week, when lighting storms and tornadoes threatened our fair burg, I zipped off to Brooklyn with Bro to try out Beer Table, the Park Slope restaurant that features artisinal, imported, ultra-small batch brews. The staff are like sommeliers, describing their menu with terms normally bandied about at wine bars. Hints of honey, bubblegum, fruit, chocolate, nuts, earth, etc. The menu is large and changes daily.

The food menu at Beer Table is very small and changes frequently. In fact, by the time you read this, it may have shifted. There's a small variety of bar snacks, and then a handful each of appetizers, entrees and desserts. For $25, you choose one of each. None of them are very big (in fact, Beer Table could classify as a small plates restaurant), but believe me when I say that you'll wind up licking your plates clean.

Beer Table's one flaw, and it's a big one, is it's space. It's claustrophobically small. There are a handful of long tables where everyone sits medieval style. This wouldn't be so bad if the stools weren't crammed so tightly. So you're guaranteed to have your neighbor's elbow squarely in your ribs. Bro and I were lucky in so far as we had our own table at the back near the kitchen and the tap.

Before we ordered appetizers, Bro and I ordered some snacks. Cheddar Pennies with Ham and Gerald Peppered Beef Jerky. The beef jerky was extremely good. Moist (very peppery) and filled with flavor. Sometimes you order jerky and it's like eating strips of leather that had been left soaking in beef broth for a week. Not the case here. And don't associate beef jerky with Slim Jims. It's like associating Mexican food with Taco Bell. The cheddar pennies were less than fantastic. They were sorta like eating fancy Combos. But they were good to nosh on while sipping a microbrew and deciding what we wanted from the menu.

From the menu, Bro chose the Pickled and Fresh Watermelon with Cayenne and Basil. It is as it's described. Spicy-assed watermelon. Bro ordered a glass of milk to temper the heat. You'll either love it or hate it. My starter was the Arugula with Pickled Ramps Bacon and Parmigiano Reggiano with a dash of sea salt. It's a small salad. Tasty. Ramps, for those not in the know, are basically a wild onion that grow upstate. In fact, my friend's dad's girlfriend's son (I know, confusing) picks and sells them here in the city. He may have well sold these.

Bro ordered the Beef and Pork Chili, made with jalapenos and red onion. I felt that it was a little bit on the bland side, but he thought that it was just incredible. It was not a spicy chili, should those of you be wondering. The jalapenos were on top and only if you chose to take a bite with one on your fork would there be any burn. My entree was the Caramelized Bacon, served over roasted potatoes with chives. The caramelizing was helped in large part by having the bacon drenched in the golden deliciousness that is honey. Lest there be confusion, this isn't bacon like you get in the supermarket. This is heavy, smoky, very thick. The flavor has seeped so deeply into wherever this pig came from that even the fat, which you normally would eschew, becomes something you would gladly chew. The potatoes were excellent as well, and yes, I may have run my finger along the base of the plate a few times after it had been finished. If dessert wasn't coming, I might have ordered another round.

But dessert was coming and Bro and I both chose the Butterscotch Pudding, topped with apricots and sea salt. Like a creamy Werther's Original, this was a pretty good dessert on its own. It wasn't bad but I wouldn't write home about it. Suddenly, you take in a bite with a grain of sea salt and it's an entirely new animal. The salt makes the dish, and the next thing you know, you're finding yourself running your finger along the bottom of the bowl to get the last bits of a dessert that started off as "just okay".

Dinners are $25 for an appetizer, an entree, and a dessert. We ordered two dinners, but also two snacks, two glasses of beer, and a 750mL bottle of La Bavaisienne, a sweet dark French beer that was recommended by our beer sommelier. He did a good job, lemme tell ya. All this cost us $134.

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MADIBA

MADIBA
195 Dekalb Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11205
(718) 855-9190

South Africa is known for many things. Wildlife, fishing, coastal vistas, surfing, resorts, safaris, mountain-climbing, and world-class vineyards. But it's also solidly on the map for rampant HIV rates, more violent crime than you can shake a stick at, vast lawless slums, income inequality on a level not seen since Rio de Janiero, and politicians so corrupt and inept that even Republicans wince. Also, they just hosted the World Cup (congrats to Spain). There are probably about as many South African restaurants in the city as I have fingers on one hand, so venturing out to Fort Greene Brooklyn in search of the unique is a no brainer for anyone interesting in trying cuisine from menus that vary in scope beyond pasta and chicken. Not only is it a hop, skip and a jump away, but one's chances of meeting their demise there is considerably lower than in, say, Soweto.

In honor of the aforementioned World Cup (not really) Bro and I raced southbound on the BQE to Fort Greene, around the new luxury condos shooting skywards next door to the housing projects and through the pleasant, tree-lined Brooklyn brownstones a few blocks away. Fort Greene has been slowly gentrifying. Young hipsters and old beatniks have moved in. A cute coffee shop sits on this corner. A Crown Fried Chicken sits on that one.

Inside of Madiba the theme is Afro-kitsch. Drums, the "The Gods Must Be Crazy" Coca-Cola bottle chandelier, the ever-present smile of Nelson Mandela and lots of red, green and black. The tables are rickety, somewhat sticky, and reminiscent of the cantina in some outpost town that you might see in a movie that follows the adventures of a reporter in 1975. Bro and I were led to a seat by a window by one of the most happy waitresses ever where we ordered Kenyan Beers and thought about dinner.

The first thing I ordered was the Isopho, the "soup of the moment". At that particular moment, it was a cold tomato soup with cucumber and cilantro. The heat this day was searing. The humidity somewhere in the vicinity of turn-your-shirt-into-a-sponge. A cold soup, made extra light thanks to the cucumber. I also decided to get the Farm-Raised Ostrich Carpaccio. Raw ostrich with olive oil under a bed of cheese and mache. Ostrich has been given much ballyhoo by good-healthniks. It's low in fat, low in cholesterol and, unlike chicken or turkey, it's a red meat similar to beef. Unfortunately, the typical ostrich steak, given how muscular Average Joe ostrich is, tends to be gritty and gamey. Like biting through cooked leather covered in sand. However, take that same meat and slice it carpaccio thin, and it's completely different. It's tender and soft and makes for one damn good appetizer. Bro ordered the Durban Samoosas, a fried pastry (a samosa for those who know their Indian food) filled with curried vegetables. Beside it came a sweet dipping sauce made from pickled mango seed. Don't bite down too hard. Those seeds'll break a tooth.

Bro's dinner was the Bobotie, a curried ground beef cake made with an egg-custard and almond topping and served with yellow rice and raisins. Bro liked it very much and while I thought it was good, I probably wouldn't get it myself. The rice with raisins was delicious, but the bobotie itself was too dry for my liking. It begged to be served with a plain yogurt for moisture and some added sweetness. My entree was the Oxtail Potjiekos Bredie, an oxtail stew. It came with a side dish, and I chose the Chakalaka, a baked bean dish with onion and tomato. The chakalaka I wouldn't get again, but the oxtail I would, especially with bread to soak up the sauce. The biggest downside to oxtail is that it's mostly bone. You really need to work for your meal and when it's all said and done, you're left with a pile of detritus and relatively little meat. However, the meal as a whole is a heavy one. The meat in this particular oxtail stew was so tender that it could have been eaten with a straw.

We were stuffed and didn't order dessert.

Our dinner of three appetizers, two entrees and two beers came to about $107.

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L'ARTE DEL GELATO

L'ARTE DEL GELATO
Chelsea Market
75 Ninth Avenue
New York, NY 10011
(212) 366-0570

Today it hit 102 degrees. In a cruel twist of fate, it was actually cooler on the subway platforms than outside where the closest thing to a cool breeze was like being on the receiving end of an oven vent. How appropriate that today I chose to return to Chelsea Market for some gelato.

L'Arte del Gelato isn't cheap. Let's get that out of the way first. A small cup, which they'll place two flavors in if you want, is about $5. They'll hand pack a quart to take home for about $20. But here's the thing. It's amazing gelato. And on days like this one, where the sun and the humidity team up to make each step a sweaty, sticky, irritable chore, it's well worth the price, even if you do have to endure the tourist masses and people playing the public piano right next to the kiosk very poorly.

Of the roughly two dozen flavors available to choose from, I sampled a handful. The Mente Verde Cioccolato, green mint chocolate chip, was the most standard and not very different from what you might get elsewhere. Maybe smoother though. The Fruitti di Bosco, a mixed berry sorbet was a sweet tart blend. This isn't the sorbet you'd be used to if you like order it from the dessert menu of many a restaurant. This was far creamier, nearer to a mixed berry ice cream than to the more water heavy ones I'm used to having elsewhere. Getting back to the gelatos, I wasn't terribly interested in trying their vanilla or chocolate or coffee flavored ones. I sort of feel that those are everywhere. So how about something unique like Biscotti, biscotti cookie flavored gelato. Could it capture the flavor of a cookie without being a cookie? It could. Mind you, it's not overpowering, and it doesn't taste like anything specifically. Still, there in the background is this biscotti flavor that's light and perfect. The best of the bunch, though, is the Olio d'Oliva, their olive oil flavor. Initially, I was hesitant, but the woman behind the counter told me that it was her favorite. It was. It was amazing. The olive oil is, just as with the biscotti, hinted at in the background. It doesn't overwhelm your tongue, instead sitting there on the sidelines. But, because this flavor is so neutral, more neutral than even vanilla, you don't miss that olive taste. It's creaminess is so smooth it almost reminds me of the ads for Dove where they drop the bar of soap into the cream. I'll probably get this flavor every time I go to L'Arte del Gelato and try other flavors only when I pair it up.

Aside from the tourist hub at Chelsea Market, L'Arte del Gelato also has a location at the tourist hub of Lincoln center. Avoid getting asked directions by going to the one in the West Village on Seventh Avenue. Added bonus: no piano!

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FAT WITCH BAKERY

FAT WITCH BAKERY

Chelsea Market

75 Ninth Avenue

New York, NY 10011

(888) 41-WITCH

Smack on the border between Chelsea and the Meatpacking District is the Chelsea Market. Goodbye sketchiness, hello boutiques. Goodbye smack-craving tranny hookers on a corner, hello eye-candy escorts at the Gansevoort. Goodbye industrial slaughterhouse, hello restaurant. Goodbye blue collar workers, hello tourists. In keeping with the food theme that the area has become a home to, Chelsea Market has emerged to be essentially a mall for eating things (mostly). From fruit to bread to fish to restaurants that sell dresses to gelato (my next post), Chelsea Market is one big, mostly overpriced gastronomic hub. Among these is the Fat Witch Bakery, a brownie-centric chocolate-lover's paradise.

Fat Witch bakes all of its goodies on the premises, so you can rest assured that they're fresh. None of that Entenmann's stuff that could be a week old by the time you pick it up at the supermarket. Fat Witch's specialty brownies aside, they have about ten standards. I bought six to try. Some were good, but others were less than impressive.

Fat Witch: Dark and moist and heavy on the fudge. A little too dry to be great, but nonetheless a well-above average brownie.

Blonde Witch: This is basically a very thick chocolate chip cookie. It was dryer than it should be and sort of tasteless. If you really want something chocolate chip, go with a standard cookie.

Caramel Witch: This is like the Fat Witch, but with a thin layer of gooey caramel inside it. You almost don't notice it unless you're looking for it. It's not bad, but I preferred the plain one.

Red Witch: The cherry-flavored brownie is only subtly cherried. Once or twice you'll get a burst of cherry flavor, which is nice, but between those two bursts it's just a normal brownie.

Java Witch: If I wasn't told by the wrapper that this was a coffee-flavored brownie, I wouldn't have known. Still this is their best one. It was the most moist and the most rich. The coffee didn't replace the chocolate, so much as enhance it. If you can only get one Fat Witch brownie, get this one.

Breakfast Witch: Yecch. Awful. Gritty and mealy and dry. It's supposed to be like an oatmeal brownie. I like oatmeal and oatmeal raisin cookies, but this one just isn't the same or worth the money.

Brownies average $3 each.

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